peace amid the madness

you would think after 28 years of existence, i would have figured out that this time of year is just overall unpleasant for me. alas, i'm constantly surprised at how the change of seasons affects me and the slump that i get into as a result. the problem is that i don't have time to be in a slump. this is precisely when everything goes all wonky in my schedule. between the end of the first trimester rapidly crashing down on me, the fall production going up in a week, and the huge shift in daylight (i HATE daylight savings with a fiery passion), i am a completely insane human being.

thankfully, i find solace in my quiet time. when i get home, whether it be at 4pm (not likely these days) or 6pm (more likely) or 8pm (next week is hell week), i immediately retreat to my room, exchange my work attire for comfy clothes, swaddle myself in my cozy blanket, and curl up in my chair. sometimes i poke around online, or i knit, or i just vegetate (aka fall asleep), but regardless of what i do, i need it like plants need sunlight or i no longer qualify as a person. at least i know this. the days where i'm just too tired to truly recharge my batteries end up being full of misery and crankiness. i can't handle being a person in the world if i don't have the time to just sit and be alone for a while.

it's hard being so introverted sometimes. i wish i had the energy that some of my friends have when it comes to being involved with other people. i love teaching, but unfortunately that pretty much taps my daily extroversion quota, and as a result i find myself crawling back into my shell much more frequently when i'm NOT working. it's an interesting conundrum. thankfully, i have a few good friends from work who keep me fairly social considering my normal tendency to be the invisible person.

i think, however, that this year is shifting my outlook on autumn and the change of seasons. i have a wonderful new relationship in my life, and the fact that it's really starting to take off at what is typically the darkest time of the year for me (both figuratively and literally) is quite uplifting. nick has the ability to lift me out of my blackest moods, which tend to surface more during this time of year. and even though he's going on tour in december, i find that i'm not sad, depressed, upset, or any of that... i know he'll be back, and i can't wait for that chapter to start. i'm so excited for him to have this opportunity. i want him to experience this tour so that he can then use it to open more doors here in NY. i'm just so happy for him! he's even started a tour blog to keep track of his experiences. i know it'll be tough for a few months, but i also know that this relationship is too special for something like a tour to rattle it. i have faith. he makes me happy, and simultaneously is capable of grounding me while still allowing me to feel as though i'm flying free. it's... something ;)